Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
