I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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