My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
