angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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