Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
