??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
