Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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