what if every blade of grass was a penis?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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