Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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