when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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