You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
