Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
