i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
