now i know why i became what i already was.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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