And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
