I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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