That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
