are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
