Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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