alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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