Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
