Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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