I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
