i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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