i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Less talking, more tequila
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
