Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
