i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
