spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
