She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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