this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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