you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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