She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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