how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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