I feel like I'm in dance class right now
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
