my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
