It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
