Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
