What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
