her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
