no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
