Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
