Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
