I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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