Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
