FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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