remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
