they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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