and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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