Nicole vs. Life
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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