You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
