Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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