he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
