he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
