Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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