So drunk its hurt
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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