I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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