He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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