does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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