I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
