Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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