After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
