put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
