bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
