You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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