The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
