I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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