I cannot find my penis.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
