how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
