yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
