it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
