so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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