I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
