I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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